


Smells Like Teen Spirit

by grey2510



Series: Team No Chill [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Episode: s13e16 Scoobynatural, Gen, Good luck!, Kinda, Other, POV Coleman, POV Impala (Supernatural), plot holes and continuity errors, some created and some fixed, with apologies to anyone who loves the mystery machine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 00:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14152893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grey2510/pseuds/grey2510
Summary: Load up on puns, bring your friendsShe hates to lose and to pretendShe's over-bored and self-assuredColeman knows a dirty word





	Smells Like Teen Spirit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dmsilvis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dmsilvis/gifts), [MrsWhozeewhatsis (OxfordCommaLover)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OxfordCommaLover/gifts).



> For dmsilvasart and mrswhozeewhatsis, who tagged both me and Thayer in [this post](https://thayerkerbasy.tumblr.com/post/172319305569/grey2510-dmsilvisart-hahaha-grey2510), and well, I had to deliver. :)

Coleman groans a bit from the footwell behind Sam's seat. _I hate it down here._

Baby does her best approximation of a snort—it vaguely resembles the sound of shifting gears, which Coleman considers kinda impressive, considering her engine is off and they're currently sitting in the middle of the Bunker's garage. _You'll survive. Did Sam scuff up my ceiling getting that TV out?_

It's not as if Coleman can look around exactly, not having a neck or muscles or anything—or even eyes for that matter, but who cares about details like that—but the drive back to the Bunker had knocked him on his back, so he can see the beige material above him. _Nah, you look ok. Not a scratch._

If a car can be indignantly ruffled, Baby is just that. _Just ok?_

_I'm a cooler, not a car, Baby. If you were a little boxier and had some insulation, well, then I might be a better judge._

_Boxier?? Ugh. I'm_ sleek _. I'm_ sexy _. You wouldn't know sexy if it came up and bit you._

_Pfft. I know what sexy is. I'm not blind like certain humans we know._

_What's that supposed to mean?_ Before Coleman can reply, however, Baby continues, _Ohh. Missing Cas while he's in Syria, are we?_

_What? No. Shut up._

It's pretty obvious that the brothers are done driving around for the day and that they won't be back to set Coleman upright again, and so he begrudgingly settles in for the night. Coleman doesn't sleep, but he can kind of zone out for awhile when not in use (and if Mac isn't around to chatter incessantly). But his zoning out is broken all of a sudden by a purplish glow all around him and Baby.

_Baby?_

_Coleman?_ The near-panic in her voice tells him everything he needs to: she has no idea what the fuck is happening either.

The purple glow flashes out to nearly bright-white and then—

 

 

 

_Baby?_

_Coleman??_ Baby can't help the whine of fear in her voice as the purple light flashes around them. When it clears, she immediately gets the distinct sense that something is very, very wrong. She feels...thin. And squishy, somehow, like she could be bent in all kinds of weird shapes like silly putty (speaking of, she will forever be grateful that John banned the stuff after the Upholstery Incident of '87).

_Coleman?_

But there's no response from the backseat or footwell, and she can't sense him anywhere else in her. She's alone. Her antifreeze threatens to freeze.

She tries to cool down, her engine pinging a little, and figure out what the hell is going on. She's not in the Bunker, and the trees and night sky look weird and flat. They look like illustrations she's seen on billboards. But how can that be?

To her right, she can make out familiar voices and she turns her attention that way. Sam and Dean! They look just as strange as everything else here, wherever they are, but it's definitely them. And judging from what she can make out of their conversation, they're just as confused as she is.

"Whoa…" Dean breathes out when he finally notices her. She finds herself preening a little and for a moment is a little grateful Coleman isn't around to give her shit about it.

The brothers are still discussing the recent turn of events as they approach her.

"It's beyond weird," Sam argues.

"Well, and 'beyond weird' is kinda our thing. So whatever happened, we'll figure it out. This is a case, so let's work it."

"How?"

"Same as always. We drive."

Baby's pretty sure she's never been more glad to hear those words.

 

 

 

"I don't get it, Dean. My laptop was sitting in my room, but here it is. And wasn't the cooler on the floor 'cause we had to move it for the TV?"

Coleman comes to as they're bouncing along in Baby. Except…

_Baby? You don't feel like you._

_Coleman? When the hell did you get here?_

_What do you mean? I've been here the whole time. We were in the Bunker and then there was that purple light and—_

_No, the light flashed and I ended up here and I—we—look like those drawings on billboards and you were gone! And now you're here!_

Coleman would blink in confusion if he could. Baby's words are all English, but they don't make a lick of sense. Did Dean spill beer in him again? Coolers can't exactly get drunk or hungover, but getting turned into a sticky, alcoholic mess never does any wonders for anyone or anything's clarity and thinking abilities.

 _Wait. We're like billboards?_ It would explain (kinda) why everything looks and feels messed up.

 _We're animated,_ a somewhat muffled voice chimes in. _Like a cartoon. It's fascinating, really._

Beside him, Coleman can see Mac's case on the seat. _Mac? When did you show up?_ He's vaguely aware of what cartoons are, but that's not the important bit right now.

 _Apparently about the same time you did,_ Mac replies cheerfully. _I think it was when Sam looked over into the backseat._

_So we weren't here before that? Where were we?_

_I don't know!_ Baby answers. _You just popped in here._

As if Dean could hear them, he says, "It's a continuity error, Sammy. Cartoon logic. That kind of crap."

"Oh great. We're trapped in a cartoon world with no idea how we got here or how to get out and we could just disappear into the void because of continuity errors?"

 _Siding with Sam on this one_ , Coleman grumbles. _I don't know what the void is but I like being not there, thank you very much._

_Yeah. I don't want you guys to leave me._

_Are you saying you'd miss us, Baby?_

_No! I'm just saying—_

 

 

 

 _—that I don't want to be alone in this fucked up place_ , Baby explains, but she even as she finishes, she knows her backseat is empty once again. If she could scream at Sam to turn around again, she would. She can only hope that her...friends (ugh, Coleman will never know she called him that) come back soon.

They don't drive for very long before Dean pulls up and stops her in front of a brightly-lit diner.

"A malt shop? Really?"

Dean turns Baby into a parking space. "Look, let's just head in, ask around, see what we can see." Turning towards Sam, Dean's jaw drops as he sees the van parked next to them. "Oh my god…"

"That's-th-that's-that's...uh, that's—"

"That's the Mystery Machine!"

Baby has no idea what the hell the Mystery Machine is, and she definitely has no fucking clue why Dean is all excited about a tacky-ass bucket of bolts on wheels.   

She's not jealous.

She's _not._

She's just seriously concerned about her owner and his current sanity. Maybe this cartoon world is more dangerous than they thought.

"We're not just in any cartoon!"

"We're in _Scooby Doo_!"

Before Baby can try to puzzle that one out, she gets the feeling that time has frozen and she can distantly hear music and...bats? And then there's a creepy tone and everything flashes yellow. For some reason, the word "SCOOBYNATURAL" overtakes her consciousness, whatever the hell that means, and then she's aware she's back at the malt shop (even though she's fairly certain they never left). Dean and Sam have gone inside while she sits a parking space away from this so called Mystery Machine.

 _Oh hey there, chica. Haven't seen you around here before,_ the van says, his voice slow but with a definite flirty edge. There's a distinct stench wafting from him, and she's pretty sure it ain't exhaust. Not that kind of exhaust, anyway.

Not for the first time, Baby wishes she had eyes to roll. Wait a minute! Did her headlights just roll?? Holy shit! How…?

_Whoa, you're tense. Just relax, girl. It's all groovy._

_Don't talk to me._

_Aw, why not?_

_You're the "Mystery" Machine. Figure it out._

_Feisty. That's cool. I like that. Hey, I got a mystery for_ you _to solve. Wanna know why I'm called a shaggin' wagon?_

_No. You smell like pot and teen spirit. Go away._

The van chuckles but luckily leaves her alone after that, probably too stoned to even get mad.

There's nothing she can do but wait until Dean and Sam return. If she weren't entirely freaked out by this whole situation, she'd be bored. She wishes she could calm herself down and just chill here in the parking lot like she usually does, but she just can't. This sucks.

 

 

 

Coleman's pretty sure 90% of his existence these days is just one big groan. _Shit, did we void out again?_

_I think so._

_Coleman! Mac!_ Baby's relief is nearly palpable. _How are you back?_

 _Dunno,_ Coleman answers. _Where are we?_

_Outside a diner. The brothers are inside._

_Do they know what the hell is going on?_

_They said something about how we're not just in any cartoon. We're in..._ Scoobynatural _? No, that wasn't it._ Scooby _...something._

 _Was it_ Scooby Doo _?_ Mac asks.

_Yes! That's it._

_Awesome, Mac_ , Coleman says. _What d'you know about it?_

 _Not much,_ the laptop confesses. _Sam hasn't ever searched for it specifically. But I know I've come across the name before._

Baby asks, _Can you do the internet thingy and find out more?_

_No, I can't research without Sam. And I don't think I have wifi. And even all my files on my hard drive are weird._

Coleman's got no idea what a hard drive is, unless Mac's talking about sitting behind Sam's seat after he's had a burrito.

He knows just how stressed Baby must be because she gives him the mental equivalent of a high-five for the pun instead of making fun of him.

 _Weird how?_ Coleman wonders, even if he's pretty sure he's only going understand one word in ten of what the laptop says.

_There's no actual words. Just squiggly and blurry lines._

_Ah. Of course._ Coleman can't read, and it's all just squiggly lines to him anyway, but he gets the sense that this is kind of a big deal.

This train of thought is interrupted by what Coleman thinks is humming coming from about twenty feet away from them. But it's not human sounds…

_Is that van humming "Magic Bus"?_

Baby sighs and the whole chassis dips a little. _Ignore him. Stoner hippie van._

_Oooh. Hey, didn't John almost buy a van like that instead of you?_

_I regret ever telling you that story._

If he could shrug, he would.

_Whaddya think, Mac? Think we'll be outta here soon?_

_I don't know._ Mac sounds incredibly uncomfortable with the notion. _Sam and Dean are good at getting out of tricky situations, right? I just wish I could help Sam. I'm sure there's some good lore out there that would help if we could just read it, but it's all just squiggles! How can we get out of here without research? What if we're sent into the void for real and can't come back—_

 _We've been through worse,_ Baby says firmly, cutting through Mac's whirring. Coleman internally breathes a sigh of relief. He doesn't know much about computers, but he's heard vague tales about the Blue Screen of Death over the years and computers "crapping out" and needing to be replaced—whatever that all means, it doesn't sound good and he doesn't want Mac going that way.

 _We'll be ok_ , he says, agreeing with Baby. He can only hope they're right.

 

 

 

By the time Dean and Sam come back, Baby is utterly done with this whole situation. Coleman and Mac have each disappeared and reappeared three times for no reason, and the fucking Mystery Machine keeps humming the greatest groovy hits of the 70s, completely off-key. Luckily he cuts that shit out towards the end of _Dark Side of the Moon_ , right before the chorus of "Brain Damage." She'd give that POS brain damage if she could...and if she weren't pretty certain that the damage has already been done.

The brothers come out along with a group of other drawing-looking people, and a dog, who all clamber in to the floral monstrosity while Dean and Sam get into her. The two vehicles pull out of the parking lot and idle next to each other at a stoplight.

 _Looks like you're going my way, sunshine,_ the van somehow grins lazily at her. _Sure you don't wanna get to know each other better?_

Baby lets her frustration out with a rev of her engine.

_You tell 'm, Baby._

As annoying as Coleman can be, she's glad she has him on her side sometimes.

She's raring to go as soon as the light turns green, and it seems like Dean's completely on board with that plan.

"Hey, why don't you follow us up to the colonel's mansion?" the Mystery Machine's annoyingly cheerful driver asks.

What a doof; no wonder Dean doesn't like him. Baby rolls her headlights. (All things considered, she could get used to this one aspect about being a billboard drawing cartoon thing. She'd give a brake light to be able to bring that back with her to the real world.)

"I don't know, Freddie. I'm not sure that Baby can go that slow."

Baby revs her engine again in anticipation and gives the van a side-eye...headlight. _Bring it, Bub._

_They don't call me a Machine for nothing, Baby._

_I don't like him,_ Mac says from the backseat before blipping out into the void again. But Baby can't worry about that right now.

The light turns green and Dean hits the gas pedal and Baby's engine lets loose...and goes nowhere. Instead, she can feel _something_ pulling her back, rooting her to the road. It's familiar and strong, but—

Dust kicks up from the van and the boys start coughing while Baby sits in shock, vaguely aware that there's some purple glowing light in her rearview mirror. _What the fuck?_

 _Baby, what're you doing?_ Coleman asks before he blinks out of existence, too. He's back a moment later, with Mac, but by then, Dean has recovered and whatever made Baby stay in place has loosened its grip on her.

The gas pedal hits the floor and Baby's engine roars as they tear off to catch the van.

_Baby, wait! Did you feel that?_

_Not now, Coleman!_ She'll be damned if she loses this race.

_But, Baby! I think it was Cas!_

_I don't have time for your stupid crush! If it was Cas, he'll catch up!_ she snaps as she concentrates on swerving around a sharp curve. Two of her wheels go up in the air as she goes, but they don't tip—hell, she practically hops and her tires screech as they eat up the pavement. This shouldn't even be _possible_. And yet—

Meanwhile, Coleman is still in the backseat muttering and grumbling.

_Oh, suuure. We don't have time for Cas but we can drag race for Deeeean. Because it's all whatever Deeeean wants._

Baby feels a vindictive surge of pleasure when Coleman goes to the void for the remainder of the drive.

It's just as well: she's never telling him that the stupid Mystery Machine beat her (even if it wasn't her fault).

And she's pretty sure she can convince Mac to keep a secret. Car tires and laptops never mix well.

 

 

 

 _Oh thank god,_ Coleman exhales (minus the breath, of course) when he pops into existence again with a flash of purple light. They're back in the Bunker garage again. Mac isn't on the backseat from what he can tell, but Coleman guesses (hopes) that the laptop is back in the Bunker proper where Sam left him before this little misadventure.

 _How was the void?_ Baby asks. If she'd meant it to sound snide or teasing, she misses by a wide mark. Even as a cooler, he can tell she's relieved.

 _Voidy, I guess. I dunno._ He realizes that he's back on his back again in the footwell. Fucking figures. _How'd things go with Signior Enigma?_

 _Fine_ , Baby answers primly. A little _too_ primly.

_Oh my god, you lost the race, didn't you?_

_What? No. Of course not! How dare you—_

_Hey, Baby, no judgment here._ Coleman does a terrible job of hiding the metaphorical grin from his voice. _That's ok, if you lost. No guy likes to be shown up by a girl on a first date._

 _What?! First of all, that's sexist bullshit, you piece of junk, and second of all, if you think I would_ ever _be interested in a burnout van that can't carry a tune and looks like Woodstock threw up on it—_

Coleman lets the tirade wash over him. Sometimes it's just too easy to rile her up and get her animated.

  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos appreciated!
> 
> Check out my other works (sorted by series for easier navigation):  
> [Grey's works](http://archiveofourown.org/users/grey2510/series)  
> Come visit me on Tumblr! @[grey2510](https://grey2510.tumblr.com/)


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